Halloween, 2005. Lily was a pumpkin, Igby was a sailor, Flipper was a person in a mask, and I was a shoe horn. I felt like a chess champion among checker players though, because I carried my Uncle Gallagher's pillow case while the rest had fucking Jacko-lantern buckets and what not.
Luckily, cousin Mush came along with a bottle of vodka and some garbage bags. We filled the bags with leaves, climbed the trees along the sidewalk, and dumped them on people's heads. That got old once we finished the bottle.
All the while, I'd been having an okay time, but was a little pissed I walked to the middle of nowhere to Uncle Gallagher's the night before(when I could have been humping the springs loose on my bed) to wind up with an empty and enlarged dried up saliva case.
In a thoughtless act of desperation, I ran to the Lancelotion mansion to get my king-sized. I passed through the gate, rang the doorbell, and threw up all over the welcome mat. When Mrs. Lancelotion opened the door, she saw the remains of a mixture of semi-digested beef-a-roni, milk, and liquor. She went upstairs to call my mother, but wouldn't let me in because I hadn't been wearing shoes; and she was a bitch.
Long story short, I took the three remaining bags of king-sized from the foyer and passed out in the woods covered in chocolate and my vomit, only to wake up to see Uncle Gallagher trying to use me to take his shoes off. Man was I embarrassed.
(Picture: Slutty Girls on Halloween at the gas station.)
How true, how true. It's like you really got down to the meat of the issue, as if to be so close to be able to smell its crotch. I commend you for your honesty, and bravery.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a pleasant time; pleasant not from joy but from deep, burrowing despair. Some friends of mine had purchased tickets to a local pottery exhibit, and never asked me to join their party. I guess they thought I wouldn't enjoy the scene; that I would think I was too cool for such events. But that pain, which I earlier stated as pleasant, drove me to become the most jovial bathroom attendant I could be.
Thanks for sharing.