Hankering for some Chocolate

Man, did I want some chocolate! I wasn't sure how I was going to get it, but I knew it would happen.

First I had to go to Powell Street. That's where the balloon-shaping clowns are. My friend Ronald Frisky was one of them, and he usually had the best balloons. Once, I saw him shape a 19-tentacled kangaroo, which didn't make sense, but it was sweet nonetheless.

Down on Powell Street, Ronald (or Rummy Peaches, as we called him) was hitting on milfs and smoking meth. The double activity wasn't working too much for him, so ol' Rummy Peaches decided to shit in the corner alley. The strong wind wafted something terrible our way, and it made a young blonde girl cry while she was waiting for her Sharktopus to be made by Grimmy CuntFingaz. The crying made Grimmy angry, and he stabbed the balloon with a knife and told the girl to go to hell.

Well, damn it if that girl didn't go to hell, no less than five hours later. She was robbing a cancer care center with aborted fetuses (or feti, as idiots call them). She also threatened to piss on the adorable little puppies the center had for the patients to pet. One of those puppies came to bit the young girl in the ass. Schmuggles was from a long line of rightious dog-owners, including the 15th pope and Marisa Tomei. And so while the girl was lining up a tasty spraying upon the poodles cranium, Schmuggles bit her in the ass, with his foaming, rabid, rotting teeth. You see, most rightious people, and their pets, have such teeth, except for Marisa Tomei, who is just really, really hot.

What sent the girl to hell was the fact that she had homosexuals fuck her in the bite marks. For some reason, gods look down on that. Oh yeah, she was also eating Saint Pie, which is a terribly wonderful pastry made of nun vagina. You mix that with some graham crackers and caramel rum raisin ice cream and mmmmmm, you got some good eating. But, it sends you to hell.

Well, before the girl went to hell, she begged Satan (St. Luci) for one last Earthly treat: Twix bars stuffed in a pocket pussy. While the dark prince obliged, he kicked the little girl into the depths of his kingdom as she was about to take her first bite. After he laughed for twenty minutes, he took the pocket pussy over to Rummy Peaches, who shit in it, and gave me the Twix. Hooray! I got my chocalate. And a high five from Satan!